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Monday, March 21, 2011

hello and thank you for calling the mental health helpline…

please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the mother ship
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry, you won't be crazy forever
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
 
 just got to laugh

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