Ten things men understand about women
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
- The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas
- Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back
- He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame
- When in doubt, mumble
- Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen
- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
- Always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila
- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure
- Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
- A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it
- Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't
- Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
- I couldn't care less about apathy
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now