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made me chuckle

Ten things men understand about women

  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
  • The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas
  • Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back
  • He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame
  • When in doubt, mumble
  • Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen
  • My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
  • Always take life with a grain of salt, a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure
  • Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
  • A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it
  • Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
  • There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't
  • Did ya hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
  • I couldn't care less about apathy
  • I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now