life according to Homer Simpson

• Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!
• Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
• I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am.
• Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
• All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.
• If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your short wave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.
• Trying is the first step towards failure.
• Son, being popular is the most important thing in the whole world.
• Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
• When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
• Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.
• What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?
• You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try
• If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
• To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!
• I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number one, 'cover for me. 'Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss. 'Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.
• Kids are great, Appu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate and they practically raise themselves now-a-days, you know, with the internet and all.
• Sometimes you have to break the rules to free the heart
• If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.
• No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

and finally - and a little worryingly..............

• You can't depend on me all your life. You have to learn that there's a little Homer Simpson in all of us.