its ok to say NO

Do you find it hard to say NO to anyone?

Do you find that your boss or colleagues at work are always  passing more work on to you? Do you have friends who start so many sentences “Can I ask a favour………” and expect you to drop whatever  you're doing to help them out?   Perhaps its family members who just always expect you to be the one to sort everything out?  Are you the one who always gets asked to help out at the school events? Or find yourself roped into yet another group or committee that you could do without.

If you want to get on with the things in your life that are important to you, and devote time to your own priorities you have to learn that its ok to say NO

Its not selfish – you owe it to yourself to pursue your own interests and to have the time to do those things to the best of your ability.  

So here are some good ways to say no – and remember to be polite but firm

• I can’t do it right now but I could help later….. if its something that you really would like to do later
• I can’t do that but I could do ….. offering a lesser commitment
• I can’t help with that but I know someone who could …..suggesting someone you think may want to get involved
• I would rather help with…..if you really dislike what you are being asked to do, its ok to offer help in a different way
• I know that you'll make a good job of this…..maybe the person asking for help is just seeking reassurance about their ability to do it
• I have no experience of that…..don’t take on tasks that you know you can’t do well
• I have another commitment…..if you already have something planned say so
• I do not enjoy that type of work…..you will not do a good job of something you hate doing
• I am not taking on any new responsibilities right now…..leaves the opportunity to help out at a later date
• I am not comfortable with that…..if something goes against your principles or beliefs just say no
• I’m just not able to do that…..better to say no than agree to do something and then let them down later
• I would like to take on the responsibility, but feel it will jeopardise my other commitments….for when your boss asks you to take on more than you are able to cope with
• I can see that this is going to need doing but I am not in a position to take on new tasks right now…..pre empting the request is easier than saying no once its been asked
• I will get back to you…..when you would like to help, but need to check on other priorities first
• I need to leave some free time for myself/ my family….. this is not selfish but essential for a balanced and happy life

And remember, you deserve to choose how to spend your time,  even if what you want to do more than anything in the world is relax in a hot bath with a good book.  We all need time out. Enjoy.

learn to prioritise

If you don’t think that a conventional “to do” list is helping you – or its just so long that you feel overwhelmed, then try using a task grid from the tools section to prioritise what you have to do.

Spend some time putting your tasks into the grid

• Box 1 is for those that need urgent action and are important to you – if there’s water pouring through your kitchen ceiling, then calling the plumber will be in this box – you know the kind of thing.

• Box 2 is for the tasks that are important to you but not urgent – maybe writing your first best selling novel – something that you want to do well, but don’t have to do immediately. It could be preparing for a presentation you have to do next month.   Spending time with family and friends or having “me time” also fit in here – very important but deserving to wait until you can devote quality time to it.

• Box 3 are distractions – they must be dealt with urgently but are not important to your aims and objectives –say  unwanted phone calls, or someone asking for help with their priorities.

• Box 4 are neither urgent or important – perhaps your inbox is full of newsletters you signed up to in the past that you never get round to reading.  Or maybe you have been asked to attend a meeting that you don’t think you can either contribute to or gain anything from – seek to eliminate these tasks from your life. Learn to say no.

By now you should be starting to get the picture that the box 2 tasks are those that you should be making time for – in fact many of the “firefighting” tasks in box 1 could probably have been box 2 tasks if you had got around to them sooner. Remember

Hard work is often the easy work you did not do at the proper time – Bernard Meltzer

So using my time management tips try and eliminate as much as you can from your other boxes, concentrate on your box 2 tasks and I’ll look forward to reading your new novel soon.

how to fit all your rocks in the bucket

Start with a bucket, some big rocks enough to fill it, some small stones, some sand and water.

Put the big rocks in the bucket - is it full?

Put the small stones in around the big rocks - is it full?

Put the sand in and give it a shake - is it full?

Put the water in. Now it's full.

The point is: unless you put the big rocks in first, you won't get them in at all.In other words: Plan time-slots for your big issues before anything else, or the inevitable sand and water issues will fill up your days and you won't fit the big issues in (a big issue doesn't necessarily have to be a work task - it could be your child's sports-day, or a holiday)

www.businessballs.com

So how to organise your rocks – here are my best tips for work and home

• Get organised and keep tidy – whether its your home, your desk or your computer files, if you don’t know where things are you’ll waste time every single day searching for them
• If you know that you are going to have a busy day tomorrow try to write a quick to do list before you go to sleep.  You're then less likely to forget things and just the act of getting it down on paper gets your brain prepared to make a start on things when you wake up.
• Focus – if an important task has to be done, then concentrate on it. Don’t let yourself be distracted by calls, messages and emails - you will get through the task so much quicker if you give it the attention it deserves.
•  Get to know when you work best – if you are a “morning person” do your most important tasks then – you will work better and achieve more.
• Try to deal with things once and once only – whether its bills to pay or emails to answer , if it can be done straight away just do it – otherwise you fall into the trap of putting things off and spend more time thinking about how to avoid them than actually doing them.
• Make lists and do similar small tasks together, whether its looking up stuff on Google or doing odd jobs in the garden, its more time efficient to tackle them in one sitting.   Keep lists of what you need to do then when you get around to sitting down to Google or getting your wellies on you’ll know exactly what you are planning to achieve.
• Have a routine for dealing with emails – check them several times a day rather than answering every email as it arrives – there is nothing more time wasting that continually hopping from one job to another.
• Learn to say no.  If you are being bombarded with demands on your time, its easy to fall into the trap of spending your life doing what other people want you to do rather than focussing on what’s important to you.  If you know that you want to spend time on reorganising your sock drawer and your friend wants you to go to the pub its ok to say no (unlikely but ok).
• Learn to delegate – and don’t be a control freak.  If you can pass on tasks to someone else, a junior member of staff in the office or your kids at home, then do it.  It might not be done quite as well as you would have done it, but how else will they learn?
• Meetings can be a serious time waster. Be sure that if you are organising a meeting you know exactly what you hope to achieve and how long its likely to take – and stick to the agenda.  If someone else is organising it then make it clear that you expect the same of them.
• Use public transport – if it takes you half an hour to drive to work each day that’s an hour wasted, if you travel by bus or train it may take you slightly longer but you can use that time productively to read, catch up on emails or chat with a friend.
• Learn how to start a task – very often we waste time just not getting started on a task because it seems too much. Try different ways of getting your ideas down – with pen and paper, on a word document or even a mind map – whatever gets you motivated to start the task.

If you are still feeling seriously overwhelmed and your “to do list” is a mile long maybe you need to learn to prioritise – watch out for my next post with a task grid tool to help you do it – that’s if you have time to read it.